An Open Letter From A Young Adult To Their Parents: What Do I Get You For Christmas?
What am I supposed to give you for Christmas?
Because I honestly have no idea.
I can’t give you a clay imprint of my hand that says “I love you,” can I?
No, you have a million of those.
What do you like by the way?
I know that you like football.
Okay, so like a hat with your team name on it.
So that team would be…?
Never mind, that isn’t personal enough.
Would you like something with my face on it?
I know you like my face.
You made it.
But your house is full of things with my face on it, so I don’t know what new item to slap my face on and give you.
Oh, I could give you a gift card!
I love gift cards.
Because it is like getting money, but you seem like less of a jerk than just asking for money.
Ah, right. You don’t need money.
You give me money.
Got it, you’re fancy.
Okay, well I feel the need to give you something that is somewhat expensive because you know I’m making money.
But I’m not making that much money.
So you see the problem there?
Would you settle for an “I.O.U. One Awesome Present When I’m Thirty!”?
A coupon for weekly phone calls with me?
Yes, I am aware I don’t call you enough.
That is why I thought it was a good present idea.
Because I’m really busy with…stuff.
Okay, do you want an ornament that says like, “Baby’s First Christmas With a Full-Time Job”?
Being the parents you are, I know that you are going to love whatever I give you.
Look, this is all your fault!
Mom has been buying my present for you and you have been buying my present for her my entire life.
I have never worried about this.
And now you just throw me to the wolves???
Can you just tell me what you want?
Can we be adults about this?
I mean I give you a list of what I want.
Oh, I guess that is more childish.
By the way, am I still getting the usual amount of presents or less because I don’t live here?
Look, you get what you get and you don’t get upset.
Well that is what you used to say to me.
Deal with it.
P.S. I love you and can’t wait to come home for Christmas.
P.S.S. Keep your gift expectations low.
Seriously, what are you giving your parents?